“Parents, this is your wake up call”
Are your kids safe?
Are you sure...?
The five minutes it takes you to read this article may well be the best investment you will ever make.
Is anybody listening?
Dear Parents, Guardians and Caregivers of children everywhere:
In case you haven’t noticed, there is an epidemic raging in our world and it is threatening to break down the sanctity-insulated walls of your homes. It affects us all. That I can promise you. I can also promise you that the next four minutes you spend here with me will be worth your time in many ways, for I speak from life-changing personal experience.
Did you know that 1 in 4 girls will be sexually abused by the time they reach age 18?
Did you know that 1 in 6 boys will succumb to the same fate?
Did you know that 1 in every 5 children will be sexually solicited while on the Internet?
Did you know there are 39 million survivors of sexual abuse living in the United States alone?
Yes, and these statistics are more than likely much higher in incidence, as the rate of reporting abuse is extremely low due to the embarrassment, fear and shame borne by abuse victims. Higher yet, when an antiquated and uneducated legal system, buried in paperwork, pushed by puppet attorneys only looking to make a buck must be factored in. Up it even more with rulings made by judges immersed in denial and in some cases corruption.
For those who have just read the preceding statistics and are thinking, “Ah, it will never happen in my house, or to my child, I’ve seen all this stuff before.” Wait! Please... You have now already invested two of the precisely calculated five minutes promised and the starkest reality is on deck. Stick with me for three more minutes.
Just the other day, authorities in 35 countries, including the United States rounded up over 700 individuals suspected of making and distributing child pornography. A few months earlier some 2,500 suspects in 77 countries were apprehended for the same crimes. More horrifying than the astonishing number of offenders breathing the same air as you and me, are the numbers and chilling demographics of this epidemic’s helpless child victims. Some of those rescued in these recent worldwide stings were as young as 3 months old. No, that’s not a typo. Really. 3 months old. “How?” And, “Who does that?” you ask. Who could possibly?... Stay with me.
Did you know that nearly all perpetrators of child abuse in all of its forms are individuals with whom the victim is familiar? Yes, that is true. And whether you reside in Compton or in Beverly Hills, it is everywhere. Make no mistake about it, child abuse knows no socioeconomic boundaries and is likely much closer to your home than you realize.
This is not an overnight phenomenon. Child abuse and exploitation have occurred for decades. If we continue our adherence to the “It will never happen to us or our child” mentality, not only will it continue but it will increase with monumental certainty.
The fact is, advanced technology and the proliferation of the Internet has made your children easy targets for predators of all kinds. The Internet has no conscience and as a result, the 14-year-old new friend your child was just instant messaging with on Facebook could very well be a 35-year-old pedophile with specific plans in mind.
Further perpetuating this overwhelming plague is our ill equipped legal system, one uninformed to deal with the multifaceted, complex, and personalized issues of child abuse and exploitation. Each and every case is different, yet the same. This is the visceral dichotomy. Frequently, decision-makers within the system approach child abuse with apprehension where broad strokes of generalities and abundant measures of leniency too often serve as the rules rather than the exceptions.
Over the years, many judges have been conditioned to rule with a “Seven Steps to Better Families” mentality. One erroneously assuming all families are better when all members are actively involved. What this does not take into account are the well-documented statistics presented above. Primarily, what if a family member is an abuser? To be clear and to the point; there are bad people out there who actually have families. Those seven hundred pedophiles just stung in the worldwide sting are not all living alone on deserted islands. These are ordinary-looking people; individuals you and I may have had occasion to carry on a cordial conversation with; professionals, doctors, neighbors, coaches, judges, attorneys. Yes, these are mothers, fathers, grandparents, uncles and aunts. Do you get the picture?
We live in a world where, unfortunately, laws are so loosely written and enforced that no true understanding of the individual victims they are supposed to protect and the crimes they are supposed to deter exists. Rather, many times the legal system itself serves as a protective zone, funded by the offenders themselves. One deceptively navigated by their defense attorneys who all the while encourage further incidences of abuse. Until proper punishment and action is taken against all offenders, the vicious cycle of abuse and violence against our children will continue to spread like the resistant strain of infection it is.
In no way am I saying that there are not good judges and attorneys out there actively advocating change and fighting for victim’s rights. There are. What I am saying is there needs to be so many more, and fearfully, that day appears to be a long way off.
We live in a world where no one wants to talk about the deviance and taboo that child abuse and exploitation is. Think about it. Growing up, we were told not to talk to strangers. That essentially concluded our formal education in avoiding inappropriate advances from strangers. Specific details were rarely given or discussed beyond “don’t talk to or take candy from strangers.” The majority of us certainly were not prepared to deal with the deviant advances of a family member or friend. The choice was to approach these issues with a closed mind, apprehension, and wide generalities considered right and proper for the time.
The world today, however, is now a much different place. Not only are our children contending with these same threats; but with video phones, text messaging, and cyber space now serving as close allies and “instant access” agents for those who would harm them.
Moms and Dads, I speak from experience. My stepdaughter disclosed at age seven that she was being sexually abused and exploited. Her abuse was actually being facilitated by her biological father during court-ordered visits to another state. What ensued was our family’s devastating crash course in child abuse statistics, harsh realities, and a bludgeoning education of the endless pitfalls of the American legal system. We were unprepared for such a horrific reality and that is why I am writing in this, your third minute. Most parents are never prepared, and rather than be reactive, the best approach is to be proactive. Here is where your five-minute investment begins its lifelong payoff.
Listen to your kids. Really listen. Talk with them and look into their eyes when you do. It is amazing the stories eyes can tell with no accompanying sound. Do it everyday. Take nothing for granted. Pass along your generational stories of the dangers of talking to strangers, but now include everyone as potential perpetrators who could hurt them. Be sure to include discussions of the Internet and the technological tools so common in a predator’s arsenal. Know where your children are and whom they are with. Be there. Be there everyday.
Watch for signs of abuse. Be interested. Above all, believe them. Too often a child’s cries for help go unnoticed and unanswered. Look for changes in behavior, different friends, sleeping troubles, wetting the bed, nightmares, and any unusual acting out. These are classic symptoms of abuse and are, most of the time just natural phenomena. Do not panic, but inform yourselves and do not ignore the symptoms. Ask the questions, and if you are still unsure of what to do, talk with someone. There are many professionals and advocates out there who can help, and are happy to assist and guide you. Many are survivors of abuse themselves and really “get it.” There is no shame or embarrassment in asking for help. Ever. The only wrong is in not seeking help.
Finally, ask yourself:
Should the time come, will your judges, your attorneys and your law enforcement officials rule, behave, and protect your children with an uncompromised fortitude?
The answer my friends in this, the final second of your five-minute investment is: Don’t let it get to that point.
Is anybody listening?
Brian D. Leslie
Copyright 2012 all rights reserved
